I’m writing this in response to a recent post by Vox Day that you can find here. Some of you won’t like this post, particularly not the ending. Too bad.
As most probably already know, I am in the middle of a very ugly divorce. My wife and kids have been AWOL for over three months. Two days before Christmas I got a knock on my door from an officer of the court presenting me with a bill of divorce, ending 14 years of marriage. I loved my wife dearly, and I thought the feeling was mutual despite some differences. We had a few fights, but I didn’t think they were too bad. She was more distant than normal in the months leading up to it. She says it was my conversion to Catholicism, but I know that’s just the excuse, her golden ticket out.
We have five very young children who are now without a father. I received recent news that she will be petitioning the court to move into my house with the children, kicking me out, which will render me literally homeless. In addition I’ll have to pay a huge amount of alimony and child support, so I will also be poor. Whether the judge will honor that or not, or to what degree, remains to be seen.
So the MGTOW’s were right. I stand to lose everything I have built over a decade and a half, or at least a substantial amount of it.
(If you don’t know what MGTOW means, it stands for Men Going Their Own Way. It’s men who have given up on women completely to do their own thing. If incel comes to mind, you’re close, but in their minds the celibacy is voluntary. We’ll give them the benefit of the doubt there. It doesn’t matter.)
They’re not wrong. Feminism and the gynocentric society we have currently found ourselves in has made marriage a huge risk to men. Feminism has rendered women–even the conservative ones–opportunists who will marry you and then suck you dry, draining your finances on yoga classes, 10-day retreat trips, and countless therapy sessions. Then when you’re in enough debt she hires a sleazy lawyer to drum up humiliations of you in the courtroom. As the nail in the coffin, the state comes in to attach this woman scorned to you for another couple decades like a parasite, leeching alimony and child support from your hard work.
Looking at just those facts, they’re 100% right. Besides the five beautiful children that came out of this marriage, marrying her was a mistake, a big one.
Now for the plot twist. That marriage was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Then another twist. The divorce is possibly the second best. Granted, it’s not over yet, but I’m going to be just fine. Here’s the side to the story that the MGTOW’s don’t tell you.
(For the rest of this post I am going to stop using the MGTOW acronym. If you’re like me, you hear the words in your head as you read them, and MGTOW interrupts that. Kate on SG said it best. They are not “Men Going Their Own Way.” They are “Men Grabbing Their Own Weenies”. So for the rest of this post they will be abbreviated “weenies”).
Back to why marriage (and divorce) were the best things that ever happened to me.
A man who hasn’t experienced marriage doesn’t really know the joys of the female sex. When you’re in your teens, girls are aliens. You don’t really know what they want. You find out pretty quickly they don’t want a nice guy, so you play the asshole and do pretty well for yourself in your early 20’s. You have sex with a few. Then they get clingy and you have to either let them down gently or hitch up with one for the long haul.
This one you have hitched up with has become intimate knowledge from years of living together. You know what she likes, what she hates, what turns her on, what turns her off, what makes her not want to leave your side, what makes her not want to speak to you for a few days.
When you divorce, you’re left with that knowledge, and as it turns out, if you know one woman, you know them all.
And so, being the intuitive creatures they are, women know a formerly married man when they see one. It’s not his first time around the ice rink. He finds himself in an ocean of options. He doesn’t even have to tell them he’s been married and divorced. They can just smell it on him.
He stands in stark contrast to the middle-aged man who never married, who is just now learning the asshole phase perhaps, if lucky. The weenie wondering if maybe it’s just this particular fragrance of Axe body spray that isn’t working.
There’s that, and then there’s the matter of drive.
A weenie doesn’t have drive the way a divorced man does. A divorced man has been through some shit. His self-respect has taken a direct hit. He has had his bones picked clean by vultures in suits. If he came out of that alive, he came out with a vengeance. A weenie doesn’t have that. He thinks his whole life is ahead of him. He is counting on his head start. A divorced man has to make up for lost time.
This drive extends to all aspects of his life. A divorced man doesn’t have time to waste on porn and video games. He’s making LLC’s, picking up photography, learning how to livestream, hitting the gym, working out a brand, getting an account set up in Azure.
So the weenies are only telling you half the story. A divorce is not the death-knell they make it out to be. It’s a blank slate with the right attitude.
That’s the caveat. Your attitude has to be that you have turned the last page on your old life. Now you are opening a new book. If you keep the old book open looking for the solution to the mystery, you will spiral inward. Don’t worry, even the best of us still have those moments. That’s when you put the book down and suit up for the gym, and you hit those weights harder than you ever have. You’ll be back on track in no time.
I know what the weenies would say to all of this. Chad is just a Man Going His Own Way who is late to the game. What Chad is describing is literally MGTOW, ROFLMAO.
No. No it’s not. I experienced something you never will–the joy of having a family. If I could go back in time I would do it all again (maybe not with the same woman if I get to bring my red-flag-reading skills with me). Married life was amazing. She was amazing. Children are amazing.
A weenie will never witness the birth of his child. He will never carry that child on his shoulders. He will never get to watch the delight in his children’s eyes opening their Christmas presents.
Would I have liked to see more Christmases with my children? Of course, but that doesn’t erase the ones I did get to see.
I’d like to ask the weenies, where is the cutoff that makes it not worth it? If it doesn’t end up with two old people sitting on a park bench, holding onto their walkers, throwing popcorn to the pigeons, does that make the whole thing not worth it? All marriages end at some point. One of you will be single, eventually, one way or another. Is 30 years too short? 15? 5?
Is it because of the children that it should have been terminated before it started? Believe me, it pains me that they will grow up fatherless. Life just became exceedingly worse for them. They just got bumped into a different class of people, the ones who really struggle in life with a vast array of issues all the way through. I wish I could undo that, but do I wish I could undo them?
So weenies, stop being cowards. Talk to the girl at the grocery store. Have some fun with the waitress serving you breakfast and hanging around a little longer than a waitress usually would. Maybe it ends there, maybe it ends two days later when you’re sticking your tongues down each others throats. Maybe another year later when you are carrying her across the threshold to be fucked for the first time. Maybe 5 years later when you are trudging around the dining room table with two giggly kids clamped to your legs. Maybe in another 5 years, all of that is over.
You won’t regret any of it.
Stop being the bitter divorcee who skipped the best part.
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